Sisterhood.

The pain and the joy

The Sister, 30” x 30”, see her in the gallery.

“I HATE you,” I said, my back to my bedroom door so my sister couldn’t get in. “I’m doing it now.” I slid her Dirty Dancing album from its cover and took the pink bobbled-headed pin and scratched it from the centre to the edge. Howard Jones was next and then Now That’s What I call Music 7. That way I got Chris de Burgh, Simple Minds and Wham! all in one go. She screamed in pain and I was happy.

Sisterhood has not come easily to me. One was two years younger than me and therefore annoying. The other was six years younger than me and therefore invisible.

At school I was always on the outside of the girl-groups. I’d prepare a story while brushing my teeth each school morning so that I’d have something to talk about. “Oh no, I think I forgot to put my hamster back in his cage,” I would say, to no one in particular and always at odds with the conversation that was taking place. I was that weird one no one wanted to be seen with in case they caught my bad vibes.

I tried joining in with the bitchy gossip in secondary school but it always seem to backfire and I ended up always being the friend for whoever was ousted from favour that month.

I had friends one at a time, love affairs on my side, but although they were always my number one friend, I was never anyone else’s.

I made boys my friends instead. Since the age of 14, I have never had a day being single, moving from one year-long relationship to another. Boys did not backstab you or look you up and down and sneer at you and even if I wasn’t their number one friend, I was their number one girlfriend.

Then my first baby was born, and then my second and my NCT friends became that first group of women I was truly part of. Still our friendships lacked authenticity and depth, I couldn’t show my vulnerable, “I think I hate my baby” side, my fear of their rejection too great to take the risk of being honest.

“I don’t have enough friends,” was my story for many years.

And then one day, without me having noticed how, I realised I had gathered women over the decades. I wrote a list of their names and there were twelve. Twelve women that knew my secrets as I knew theirs. Twelve women I could spend time with one-to-one over coffee or wine and we would never have enough time to finish all the conversations there were to be had. Twelve women I can book into my diary and fill my year - these individual friendships have lasted many years now.

At fifty one, I finally got to experience the joy of sisterhood in groups. On a retreat in Spain I sat in circle with a group of women who had never met before and our truths came tumbling out. Again in the New Moon circles I attend in my village each month. I feel once we reach a certain age, women can’t be bothered with what you look like or what your job is or what size your waistline is or whether your glasses are trendy. They trust their bodies more: ’Do I like you?’ I can tell my own answer right away.

My individual friendships remain but now I find myself part of many groups of three. Including with my real-life sisters on our Sunday evening phone calls every week since our mother died.

I belong.

And for the first time in fifty four years, this summer I will be going on my first girls’ holiday to Iceland. I am creating spaces myself to connect more deeply with women and invite that in others (see below).

I have friends that messaged me on Sunday, Father’s Day to ask how I was, and friends that I messaged to ask how they were because this was the first year we were without them. Friends that remember I have something big in my diary and then ask how it went. Friends that text to say ‘Hey, haven’t seen you for a while, can we meet up?’ Friends that tell me if I ever need anything, they are here.

I write this because I meet twenty and thirty and forty somethings that despair of ever finding sisterhood. For those of us that find it less easy, it is a precious jewel we must unearth, one conversation, one text, one putting our hearts on the line at a time.

It is so worth it, my sisters.

Find those connected to The Sister above as prints:

VIEW PRINTS

Upcoming Events

The Creatrix Day - 2nd September

A one-day in-person creative immersion for twelve women. Imagine meeting in real life. Stepping away from screens, getting your hands into paint, and spending a whole summer’s day in the company of women who want to access their own unique flavour of creativity. This is The Creatrix Day, held in a secret garden in Chobham, Surrey, with sunshine and shade, a fountain, a fire-pit, music playing, guided tasks with paint, time for reflection, conversation and lots of laughter.

Learn more.

The Next Chapter Mastermind - begins 8th September

Six months for six women who want to redesign their lives and work to align with how they would like their lives to feel over the next decade. That might mean bringing a brand new project into being, or scaling right back on work. It might mean creating a life of travel and adventure, or turning their side hustle into something that can fully support them.

Here’s where to go to learn more.

Until next time,

Nic x