What Is Nurturing?
I’ve been in the exploration of this question for the last few months.
I have realised that my idea of nurturing was to plant myself firmly in front of someone and say “I’m here. You can totally rely on me to take care of you. And here’s how I’m going to do it.” Finally, a chance to prove my mettle as a mother, wife, daughter or friend.
I had noticed in the past that my first response upon seeing someone that ‘obviously needed my nurturing’ was a spark of anger - which I couldn’t understand. It was brushed aside as swiftly as possible. Advice would then be offered and rarely taken. Followed by frustration and much eye-rolling on my part.
Never once did my approach appear helpful and never once did I question it.
Then one day I made someone I care about cry by doing this.
And I woke up to the aggression I had mistaken for strength and this is where my heart started to unfold to reveal something new to me.
I realised that being physically strong, present and ‘You can collapse if you want to, I’ve totally got this’ was something I had wanted to hear my whole life. That feeling of protection, of safety, of not having to be responsible, of having someone else take care of me.
In my work, I meet so many women that yearn for this.
And in my case this played out as creating a reality where others appeared to need the very thing I felt I lacked. And my attempt to clumsily fulfil a need that can never be fully met by one human being with regards to another met only with exact opposite of what I wanted. Rejection, pushing away, contraction.
When the heart unfolds, we notice what’s happening.
A flicker of realisation - a tiny aha.
And now the world starts to shift - because we have.
This one is still unfolding for me - my guess is it will be an exploration for the rest of my life - this nurturing thing.
Right now, it looks like a softening into allowing myself to be looked after and space to be left unfilled for others to step into this space, instead of me constantly stepping into theirs.
It looks like my teenage daughter (who hardly ever does such things) asking to spend time with me and coming for a walk to get coffee. It looks like my teenage son (who prefers to never leave his bedroom) to hot foot it down the stairs and spend an hour rescuing me from the mouse that the cat brought in. It looks like my husband opening and closing my greenhouse for me every night so the seedlings don’t freeze/fry.
Nurturing over here first. Always.
Instead of being all stoic and independent and ‘separate’ and ‘in charge’, a new respect for graciousness and receiving and allowing over on THIS side of the equation.
And a few more petals unfold and I start to realise what they are actually asking for and simply begin providing it.
Now there’s a FEELING of nurture in the household. A caring for one another.
Just the whispers of it, mind, but they’re definitely there.
Nicola x
