New Years Resolutions: An Alternative Approach

51 sets of New Year’s Resolutions before this one (yes, pretty sure I was making them when I was one) - and this time around something different is happening.

In years gone by, as joke (or so he thought), my husband and I would create one New Year’s Resolution for each other: “I will stop letting my toothbrush drip all over the cabinet” or “I will speak more nicely to the dog.” - that kind of thing. This usually led to an argument so we stopped doing it.

But over the past few years., I have spent time really exploring how the world we perceive is simply our own level of consciousness, projected out onto the canvas of the world and people that appear in it, and appearing as if it’s them, not us.

The illusion of separation if you want to get all fancy and non-dual about it.

The result of this exploration is that i’ve been seeing people doing things I don’t like and again and again, after getting all upset with them, then realising “That’s ME that is.” Because we are the same. If there is only one, how can we not be?

Examples:

“My child should get up out of bed and exercise more”.

Oh, that’s ME that is. I should get out of bed and move my body more.

“My friend should stop being so judgey every time I talk to her”.

Oh, that’s ME that is. I should stop being so judgey of her (and everyone else).

“There are anxious clients everywhere that need my help”.

Oh, that’s ME that is. I’m anxious and creating a reality where it looks like everyone else is.

And then, instead of trying to change them, I get to look this way, to myself, first. Far easier to make the change here - and it blows my mind how the world seems to change as a result.

A shift on this side of the equation cannot fail to shift the other. Because there is only one.

This year, instead of writing the traditional New Year’s Resolutions, I’m writing a list of how, in my very intelligent and obviously correct opinion, many of those about me should be changing the lives.

Writing down all the changes I want to see in the world.

And taking then them on as my own.

They include:

Opinion: “People should stop fighting and being at war.”

Instead: “Let me see where I am violent. I can certainly think some pretty ugly thoughts about myself and others and my tone can often be mean and impatient when I speak. Ouch. this is not easy. I will stop being violent and soften.”

Opinion: “My child should show up to school/work when they say they will.”

Instead: “I will show up to my work when I say I will.”

Opinion: “She should stop shovelling crisps into her face instead of eating real food.” Again, ouch, I realise I think some pretty horrible things if I’m honest.

Instead: “I have spent the last month with either a mince pie or a glass of wine in my hand. I will improve my diet and take more care of my body.”

Opinion: “She is totally ignoring me and hasn’t spoken to me in weeks.”

Instead: “I have been distant and aloof and haven’t wanted to talk to her. I will warm my heart.”

Opinion: “She should stop complaining all the time.”

Instead: Ummmmm ☝️

Opinion: “He should improve his table manners before I stab him in the eyes with a FORK because of how he breathes.”

This one is the exception to the rule. It’s just true when you’re a woman between the ages of 49 and 52. I’ll grow out of it.

And so the list goes on. It seems I have a LOT of opinions about how the world and the people in it should be different.

But it’s a humbling exercise to take 100% responsibility for ALL of it.

Be the change and all that.

And then to each of those who have made it onto my ‘they need to change’ list, I bring them the ho'oponopono prayer.

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.

Beats “Lose 2 stone, go to gym, cut back on coffee, wear more skirts and put in contact lenses every day.”