Heartpull
Painting by Nicola Bird
My passions obsessions have shifted and morphed over the years from cooking to cake decorating to growing flowers to understanding the mechanics of Facebook ads to studying non-duality, Non-Violent Resistance, Transformational Coaching, Human Design and many, many others in between.
But there’s one common thread underneath it all - a respect for what I call the Heartpull.
It’s a visceral experience; I feel as if my heart is being pulled out of my body in the direction of the ‘thing’ that’s next. I also know that it has NEVER made sense to the logical mind.
In fact your logical mind (and sensible friends and husbands) will always argue against following it because it looks like it could bring the whole existing ‘thing’ down. They’re right. It’s usually disruptive.
“Why not just dabble on the side as a hobby?'“ they say. The thing you currently have is so good! And my logical mind will agree with them and itself.
But then the heart pulls again and there I find myself, with a paintbrush in my hand instead of writing the how-to-kill-slugs article I “should” be doing.
A Heartpull is not our doing.
I read once, and have never been able to find again, that the definition of enthusiasm is ‘to be breathed into by God’. I’m not a religious person but that.
There is an energy behind life that blows us this way and that. That lights a spark in one direction and snuffs it out in another. And then it makes sense to either follow the way we are being breathed or not. Usually not. But it’s unstoppable.
You can try to distract yourself by getting busy or numb yourself with wine.
If you have been conditioned to be a ‘good girl’, you may try to carry on following your shoulds but in the end it will get you. Either you’ll succumb and surrender to the absolute deliciousness of what your heart desires, or, in my personal experience, you’ll become ill or the sky will start falling in around you in the form of other people getting ill, marriages crumbling and/or work firing you as the universe does not take kindly to the spurning of its gifts.
(By the way, when I say Heartpull, I’m not talking about fantasy of lusting over someone other than your husband here, you do. get that right? Where I know those at mid-life that might have headed in this direction; from what I can see, this is a symptom of NOT tuning into and honouring a Heartpull, rather than following a genuine desire.)
“For fucks sake - WILL YOU GET THE MESSAGE - go THIS way!’ The universe speaks in gentle quiet whispers as a general rule, that most of us are too busy-minded to hear. But she gets pretty shouty if ignored.
Here’s what I’ve learned.
Follow the Heartpull - you can trust her.
She has NEVER once failed me.
It can take courage to pick up a paintbrush when your family roll their eyes at ‘Mum’s latest thing’ - I still only do it when none of them can see me.
But you’ll find those that DO want to join you in your journey of bringing more beauty into your life will somehow show up on your path as you start to shift. That has certainly been my experience.
Follow the Heartpull - it’s how we create the next chapter of our lives.
“Make peace with all the women you once were.
Lay flowers at their feet.
Offer them incense
and honey
and forgiveness.
Honour them
and give them
your silence.
Listen.
Bless them
and let them be.
For they are the bones
of the temple
You sit in now.
For they are
The rivers of wisdom
Leading you toward to the sea.
I have been a thousand women.”
