Truth? Or Mediocrity and Safety?

Photo by Christina Deravedisian on Unsplash

The Human Design chart is like a treasure map – it points me in a direction for enquiry into who I am and how life works. And very practical questions to reflect on with regards to the work that I do. As the earth rotates, the sun lights up a different part of the chart every few days and for the next 6 days, it's the turn of Gate 8: The Gate of Fulfilment.

As I contemplate this Gate, it calls me to truth and authenticity. It has the same function as the fires of menopause.  

It calls me to strip away the bullshit and discover what remains underneath.

To explore the naked truth of who I am when I’m not trying to impress or please those around me. When I’m not trying to blend in to stay safe.

To stop trying to do ‘the right thing’ and ‘what I should do’ and people-pleasing and follow what truly lights me up.

To do the work and speak the words that are truly mine.

To spend time with the people and projects I truly care about and am honest about those I’m no longer in alignment with.

The shadow side of this gate is imitation and when I look honestly, I am humbled as I see these shadows everywhere. I love to learn, but the danger of this is accumulating the ideas of others like a little magpie and regurgitating them with words that are not mine. Or doggedly following formulas that have led to success in others, reassuring myself that I don’t want to re-invent the wheel when in truth, I don’t trust my own knowing and bodily wisdom to let me know what to do next.

So, I stay mediocre, ordinary, safe.

Instead, I have realised although I love to learn, I then step away and create space. Let the various sources weave their way alongside and into my own insights as I reflect and then see what freshness arrives.

Because, let’s face it, no one wants the same old same old – I, for one, am bored of it. Six Steps to this and Seven Steps to that, get it soon before it disappears, be careful what you write as we must bow to the laws of the algorithms.

“What choice do I have?” I say, feeling sorry for myself in victim-mode, about creating content on social media. “It has to be done this way.” Knowing for YEARS that I have wanted to step away from it, and betraying that knowing every single day – my inauthenticity apparent with every 1000 phone pick-ups in any 24 hour given period.

And not just social media. I KNOW things, and then I betray that knowing (and therefore myself) all over the place.

What am I so scared of happening if I followed my knowing? Answer – risk. Unsafety. “Stick to the well trodden path” my mind says. “ Do what you should”. By which it means “Do what everyone else is doing and then you’ll be safe.” And I’m back to imitation again. I do not want to be in danger.

What am I so scared of happening if I followed my knowing? Answer – rejection. I see the hundreds of unsubcribes on my Facebook Page when I shared vulnerably from my heart. The people I fear that would no longer love me if I were brave enough to actually respond when they ask how I am. I have an undefined Emotional Solar Plexus – I hide from confrontation and truth. I do not want to be outcast.

What am I so scared of happening if I followed my knowing? Answer – nothing. I am scared I that if I stop my chameleonlike blending in and step out from behind the rock, there will be nothing there and I cannot bear this thought. I do not want to disappear.

My heart is too tender for this, and so rather than retreating and blending back into the rock, I choose to share the inside of my heart with those that want to hear it.

Those on my newsletter list and the visitors to my blog. My friends and family and clients that reach out and say ‘Tell me your stories, I want to hear them, can I share mine?’

To honour this knowing, I’m taking my writing away from Facebook for a while. Instead, free from limitation and restrictions, I will continue to share here. (If you’re not currently on my newsletter list, head over here to get your free Human Design Chart which will do the job.)

And I can’t leave this writing without saying – THIS is what The Authentic Woman program I’m beta-testing in September is all about. Finding our own truth and daring to speak it aloud. Bringing ourselves back into integrity with our own unique knowing and wisdom. Re-writing our stories and allowing ourselves to be the full expression of everything we can be.

https://nicolabird.net/authentic

Authenticity above all else.

Because the earth needs authentic and aligned women.

Nic x

Questions for your own reflection:

Where are you holding back and not speaking your truth?

What are you frightened might happen if you showed up in your full power and expression?

What would you do with your days if money were no consideration? Where in your life are you already doing this?

Where do you shrink yourself down to be accepted and loved?

Are you trying to follow the formulas of others or are you following your inner wisdom and Authority?

Where have you tried to share and it hasn’t gone well? What do you need to do to let go of that experience?

What would an uncompromising life look like for me?

What if I allowed myself to be truly vulnerable?